Halloween ' 09

Because I wasn't feeling great leading up to Halloween this year we decided to cancel our planned party and just have a low-key quiet evening with just the 4 of us. It was so great to just relax, carve a few pumpkins and just be together !

Hayden was pumped about going out this year as Optimus Prime sadly Laila was none to thrilled about donning her Lion costume but in the end they both lookws so cute.


I opted to stay home and hand out the candy while Faruq took the kids around our block. We didn't have any snow but the wind was really strong and cold so they didn't stay out too long. For the small time they were out man they collected a ton of candy so they were both pretty happy with their haul.

Once Laila was out and getting candy in her bucket she realized that this was actually a pretty good holiday to celebrate. Here are a few more of my favorite photos from last night...

I hope you all had a great Halloween and everyone got lots of treats !!!

Our new normal (it would seem)....

If you have not heard, talked about and worried about H1N1 I'm sure you must have been living under a rock on a remote island. We have be inundated with news reports from almost every angle. I must admit at the beginning of it all I had taken the stance that I was not going to immunize my family with the new vaccination that has been made available to supposedly help fight this deadly form of the flu.

After I stopped listening to the media and our top health officials I started to seek out people I know personally in the medical community that would give me very honestly answers to my questions. For a multitude of reasons I have changed my thinking with regards to getting the vaccination. It is a very tough decision to make (honestly one of the toughest as a parent) and not one that we came to lightly. But in the end Laila and I are both listed in the "high risk" category and it has been suggested all along that we indeed should be vaccinated.

I know being pregnant with my other two kids my immune system was always severely compromised and I still have 2 months left before our 3rd baby is born. One of my biggest fears was actually being in the hospital during the Christmas season when they expect the pandemic to be at it highest. While I could keep Laila and I house bound for a few months we still have two other family members that need to be out on a daily basis so that really won't help us.

We went on two different days to get the shots for our family and both days have been turned away from the clinics because their were already too many people in the lines. I'm not prepared (possibly not even able) to stand in a line for up to 8 hours either by myself or with my family. There is no need of that and I truly feel that our provincial health officials have totally failed the citizens of Alberta. They cause this panic in everyone and reassured us that there are shots for every person in the province only to now tell us there will be a shortage (temporary we hope but still a shortage). The clinics are closed today and will re-open early this week and I have heard that it will only be available to the "high risk" group.

I will be in line once again this week and try to get the shots for at least Laila and I. I can only hope that the people that have made such a mess out of this whole situation pay the price down the road and not be re-elected into office.

National Miscarriage and Child Loss day (long post)

When you embark on starting a family nobody ever tells you about the possibility of miscarriage or at least in my case no one ever did. Growing up my mother had suffered multiple losses but it was never really discussed. All of our friends were having babies and the world was a happy place.

We got pregnant in January 2002 and while it wasn't a planned pregnancy we were over the moon and eagerly started to plan for the arrival of a sweet baby. Well god had different plans and I miscarried that baby in the 10th week. We were devastated and honestly I have never felt so alone with my grief. Faruq was my rock but I know that he was hurting as well. I'm not sure how we got through the first few weeks but somehow we managed to.

After consulting with our doctor she felt that we could try again after 3 months but honestly it took us almost 7 months before I felt I was ready. We managed to get pregnant within a few months of trying and again we were over the moon. While the first loss was still fresh in my mind I just assumed it would not happen to us again....boy was I naive to that thinking. At almost the same time frame as #1 we lost baby #2 and while the experience was different the grief was even more intense.

This time it took a lot longer for me to come to terms with this lose and I honestly started to feel that this was not meant to happen or maybe we had waited to long to start a family. Our GP decided to refer us to the local OB to look into further tests to determine if there was in fact a medical reason for these losses. Of course, being in a smaller city it took almost 2 months to get this appointment. During this time Faruq and I talked a lot and I mean a lot about what was happening. I was racked with grief for not being able to have a baby and I now suspect that a lot of women have these same feelings.

The day arrived to meet with the OB and after what seemed like a thousand questions he wanted to run some tests to get a feeling for what was happening. I went for some routine blood work and tests then waited for the follow-up appointment the next month. Well I was shocked when I received a call a few days later from the OB saying he thought I might in fact be pregnant. He wanted my HSG test done to confirm it and he would call the next day. I rushed to have the test done again and sure enough I was pregnant but my fear was instantly back as well.

He booked an U/S immediately and we got to have a look at our sweet baby. Everything looked great and we started the wait again. Once I passed the 10 week mark I started to breath a little bit easier. It was pretty uneventful really for the next 7 months and on July 3rd, 2003 we were blessed with a beautiful little boy. Hayden Alexander was a gift from god and the light of lives.

We decided when Hayden was year old that we wanted to add to our little family and we set out trying to conceive another baby. After trying for almost a year and we went back to our OB to see if we could figure out the problem. During this time Faruq found out that we were going to be transferred to Calgary within the next 3 months so our OB just referred us to the Regional Fertility Clinic located in that city.

After waiting almost 6 months I got the call that we had been waiting for. We had our appointment booked for the next month. I was again naive in my thinking that once we went into the RFC that I would magically get pregnant and life would be good. We met with the doctor and again we had to go for more tests which of course met waiting longer. We booked the follow-up appointment and were sadden to find out that we had what was called "unexplained infertility". Basically, that means there was no medical reason why we shouldn't get pregnant.

He suggested we start with IUI's and if need be move to IVF treatments. We had our first IUI treatment and I had totally convinced myself it was going to work the first try. It did work but unfortunately we were devastated when we lost the baby again at 10 weeks. I felt gutted but this time it was a little easier to deal with because of the beautiful little boy I had at home.

We waited 3 months and tried again but sadly again this baby was not meant to be and I miscarried at 10 weeks again. By this time I think I was just numb to the pain and honestly just expected this to happen. I decided that I needed to take a break from the medication and the treatments so we put my file "on-hold" with the RFC. I have been and will always be a firm believer that god has a plan for us all and this was mine for good and bad.

I started to search for something else but didn't really know what that was.....again god delivers when you most need it. I was reading the Calgary Herald and came upon an article about a lady who is an acupuncturist practicing in Calgary and dealing with infertility. I made an appointment the next morning and after the first appointment knew I was in the right place. I cried (a lot) and she listened to me. I truly felt she understood what I was going through. We started treatments and after 3 months I was ready to try again at the clinic.

I booked an IUI for that month but secretly had already set myself up for the loss. I believe that it was my way of coping with the possibility of loss. "Don't get connected and you won't be as hurt when that day comes" was my motto !! Sure enough we got pregnant and the waiting game started again, we went for the 6 week u/s and again it all looked great. Week 10 came and went but honestly I had so many days when I kept saying " This is it I'm losing the baby". But it was not to happen this time and we were again blessed with a beautiful little girl on December 5, 2007 that we named Laila Quinn !!

After a year we once again had to decide if our little family was complete and honestly you would think that I should be happy with two beautiful kids but there was something inside of me saying "No you aren't done yet". We contacted the RFC to see if we could do three more IUI's to see if we would be blessed with baby #3.

Our doctor wanted to run the standard tests again but felt there was no reason why we couldn't start the IUI's. I went for my first IUI on April 8th and received a call from the clinic the very next day. They wanted to see us to discuss the test results. I immediately thought they had found something that might prevent us from getting pregnant again. Low and behold we discovered we were pregnant two weeks later. They booked the 6 week scan and I was to see the doctor at the clinic right after. The scan looked good and there was in fact a little baby brewing in there.

When I met with the doctor after the scan she informed me that one of my tests came back with not so favorable results and that it could make it near impossible to get pregnant. But she said that I had obviously proven them wrong and in these types of cases were very pleased to be wrong. We are now almost 27 weeks pregnant and expecting our 2nd little girl on December 26th.

I believe that god does have a plan for everyone and through my grief I tried to maintain that faith. I now look at my sweet angels here with me on earth and wouldn't trade them for world.

Infertility and the lose of children can be devastating and life changing but while I will never forget the 4 precious angels that were not meant to be with me here on earth I thank god everyday for the 3 children he has blessed us with.

I mourn with all the parents that have lost a child and I'm so glad that the world recognizes today as National Miscarriage and Child Loss Day - May all of our angels rest in peace.

God Bless !

Happy Birthday to my Beloved !!!!

Well I guess it is Happy "belated" Birthday now...Faruq celebrated his 43 birthday on October 13th.

It was a pretty low key year as far as celebrating....he didn't want a party or presents so for once I honored that request. We both tend to buy ourselves things through the year so really don't go all out on our birthdays but for some reason he usually tries to sneak a little gift in there for me cuz that's just the type of guy he is.


I love my husband so deeply that sometimes it hurts. He is my partner in this lifetime and I'm so grateful for that fact. Our relationship has not always been this strong and in the early years we were tested greatly on whether our love was enough to keep us together. After some self-exploration we both realized that it was indeed enough and we have now been together for 18 years. We don't take each other for granted and respect one another.

I'm the first to admit I'm not the easiest person to love. But Faruq just loves me for who I am and that includes all the little quirks that I have. He is the most easy going person that I know and truly tries to treat everyone with dignity and respect.

He is a wonderful father that shows his kids a tremendous amount of love. He can be strict but in a kind way. He works very hard to provide us with a good life and I'm grateful that this allows me to be at home with our children.

{Hayden & Daddy}

{Laila & Daddy}

Happy Birthday Faruq - We love you very much !!

Long time no blogging...

Life is hectic with lots of stuff going on and honestly sometimes I find I have lots that I could blog about but honestly I sometimes don't know where to start...so I just don't blog at all.

Here's a little recap of what's happening with the Suleman's....

Hayden is totally loving is new school and continues to thrive. Faruq and I both have come to realize that the small classes are just what he needed. He gets constant one-on-one attention from the teachers who are all very passionate about their jobs. They have gone on a a few fields trips already. He is making new friends (even a little girlfriend that is very sweet on him). It is refreshing to go to the school everyday to pick him up and see that he is so very happy at the end of the day.

Faruq has joined the Parent Advisory committee for the school and is excited to get involved with the process of making the school even better then it is. He is very busy at work but has managed to find a good balance between work and home lately. It so nice that he can take Hayden to school most morning as well...sadly he does work a lot of later nights but it's worth it for them to have that time in the mornings together (Plus it saves Mama & Laila getting ready to go in the mornings).

Beavers has started again for the year and Faruq has volunteered to be a leader this year. He figured he was there most nights anyway so he mights as well become a leader. They certainly needed more this year as the number of new beavers have gone through the roof. I think they have something like 30 in the troop compared to 12 last year.

The kids are in swimming on Saturday mornings and I have missed taking Laila to her lessons but I shouldn't really go into the VRRI pool (because it's heated and fairly warm) until after the baby arrives. These lessons go until October 31st and they will start them again in the new year.

Laila has started a weekly Kindermusik class with me on Wednesday mornings and seems to be enjoying it thus far. Last week was a bit of a mish mash but I think she wasn't feeling well and honestly just didn't want to be there. The classes run through to the end of January so we still have lots of weeks for her to start loving it !

Baby is doing well but seems to have taken a liking to DWTS and tends to re-enact the dance numbers every night starting around 3am which has made Mamad a little tired. I'm getting so big and find it tough to sit, walk or sleep. But it's only 88 more days until this little arrives so I'm trying to just enjoy the last few months of pregnancy.

We had some crazy weather here in Calgary the last few weeks and it had been very,very warm. I was secretly wishing that fall would arrive and I think I have gotten that wish. It is definitely gotten colder but fall is my favorite season and I'm truly enjoying it now.

I have gotten about 1/2 my Christmas shopping done and feeling pretty good that I can get the rest done in the next few weeks. I remember when I was pregnant with Laila a few years back at this time of the year the mall was the last place I wanted to be during the last month of pregnancy.

We had planned to spend the week between Christmas and New Years in Kananaskis but sadly that won't be able to happen this year with us having the baby during that week. Hayden seems a little bummed about it but we figure we can get out sometime in February for a little get away.

That's about it...busy and pretty boring really !!

Baby Update

I had my first OB appt today and all went very well. But to my surprise I found out today that we will actually have a wee baby before the end of the year. With a planned c-section as this baby will be they actually like to deliver them around 37 weeks to ensure that I don't in fact go into natural labor. When I delivered Laila that OB left his patients until around the 39th week.

My actual date for 37 weeks would have been 24th December but I begged them to go a few days later because I would have been in the hospital during Christmas which would have been a great for the kids. As well, I didn't think the wee one would have liked to have her birthday on Christmas Eve. As it is I'm sure she won't even think December 26th is that hot but it's a bit better then the original date.

So I guess I know what my New's Years eve plans are for this year and I couldn't be happier to be cuddling a new precious life.

We have less then 100 days until our family is complete and I can hardly contain my happiness !!

Weekend

We had a pretty good weekend...very low key and not a lot of plans. Friday evening we went to Costco and did a little grocery shopping then grabbed some supper. We got home early and after getting the kids to bed I decided I would try to read a little of "Twilight" but honestly I think I read two pages then went to sleep myself.

I was thinking how great everyone is in bed before 9 and we will be up bright Saturday morning to get ready for swimming lessons at 11.

Well, Hayden had another plan...around 1:30am he woke screaming with pains in his stomach. I knew he wasn't constipated so we were a little worried it was something more serious. We tried to call Healthlink (it's a call center we can call to talk to nurses and it's available 24 hours a day) but after being on hold for almost 1 hour we decided it was best to just take him to our Children's hospital. Off they went and didn't return home until almost 9 am Saturday morning. Thankfully, it was just pain old gas pains and nothing major. But my plan of everyone being nice and refreshed did happen.

We did take the kids to their swimming lessons and came home right after. Hubs and the kids took a long nap in the afternoon while I went to Safeway for a few more groceries. We got the kids in bed early last night and I managed to actually read a few chapters of my book.

Sunday is being spent at home just relaxing !! I put a pot of Hamburger soup on for supper and plan to whip up some cheese biscuits to go with them. Hayden and Faruq are watching the Transformers movie for the 100th time. Laila should be waking from her afternoon nap shortly.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend !! Big TV week coming up - DWTS and Grey's are back for the new season !!

Me and TV

I would love to say I followed my original plan to rid my family of the ever evil TV as I had intended to this summer but I just couldn't do it....I'm weak !!

Hubs and I talked about it {alot} but I just couldn't bring myself to cancel it. I admit I enjoy watching TV !! {there I wrote it}. I don't have near the time to watch as much as I would like but with the magic of PVR's in multiple locations throughout the house I manage to catch a lot of my favorites. I'm not sure what we did before PVR's but it has certainly helped me maximize my viewing time.

In particular of I love Reality Shows {huge gasp} again it feels kind of dirty to type that. I love Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor and Bachelorette, DWTS, ANTM, Project Runway, Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef and of course every version of The Real Housewives !!

Hubby loves comedies so we watch The Office, 30 Rock and my personal favorite King of Queens.

I will periodically check in on the ladies of The View or Oprah but Laila and I both enjoy a daily dose of Ellen !! Of course, my most guilty pleasure is watching Coronation Street which I have been a follower of for almost 20 years now. But mostly during the day if you pop by my house I will most likely have The Food Channel on in the background for noise.

So....I guess I am weak but honestly TV gives me a little mindless relief I need from very hectic life as a mama.

Everything old is new again.....

And let me tell you it comes at a price. I will back up a bit...Laila is not a TV watcher which I'm not complaining about but there is the odd time where I could really use a half hour to say have a shower. I have tried many, many shows none of which have kept her interest for more then a few minutes. But we happened upon "The Big Comfy Couch" one day and all I can say is the rest is history !! I remember this show when Hayden was a youngster but he was more the Thomas the Train fan so we never watched it.

Well our little Laila loves the show !! I'm sure if allowed would sit for hours and watch it. I thought it might be neat to get her a Molly doll or even the dust bunnies from the show so I started to look around but the show was produced in the late nineties so there is nothing in the stores. I have found a few DVD's but they seem to be few and far between. I figured Ebay would be my only hope and sure enough there is tons of this stuff on there but for selling for double or triple the original cost.

So, whats a good mommy to do except order some of it. I think I have convinced myself that I am in fact not crazy and that she will indeed love the Molly doll and two dust bunnies I have ordered for her. I don't even want to write the price I'm paying for these treasures because I'm sure you will think I'm crazy !!

So hopefully by the end of the week we will have 3 new members of our family and one very happy little girl ! Will post pictures upon their arrival !!